Insurmountable Obstacles

Your heart draws you down a path that resonates deep in your soul as the right and true way. Terrifying and exhilarating all at once; somehow this path holds the promise of a joy-filled and fruitful life. A life of purpose and hope. Yet even as your heart yearns for what’s ahead, your mind and emotions revolt. Fear, doubt, and an overwhelming desire for what’s comfortable and familiar tempt you to turn back, yet your heart persists in drawing you forward. In front of you stand multiple, gigantic boulders that completely obstruct the path. Try as you may, you see no way around them. You are stuck where you are. You’ll never be able to reach the purpose and joy that the path promises – the obstacles are insurmountable.

Truth dawns afresh in your heart as you realize the obstacles are within you. The darkest most hidden places. The places of sin that you’ve never been able to conquer, the temptations that won’t quiet, the pain and grief you’ve suffered, the shame that won’t subside, and the fear that paralyzes you. All your life you’ve been trying to move these stones. Some won’t budge an inch, while others you think you’ve moved only to run into them all over again. Pressing in around you, they threaten to crush you under their weight.

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Downcast, defeated, and desperate to move forward, you suddenly realize that you’re not alone. A man robed in glory with scars on his hands and feet is standing next to you. You look at him, drawn to an infinite depth of love and compassion in his eyes. In that moment the tiniest spark of hope ignites in your heart. Has He been standing right here all along? Somehow you know He has, you just couldn’t see Him. Or maybe you wouldn’t see Him. Did you refuse or were you blinded somehow? As you look into his eyes, you know that the reason doesn’t matter. There is forgiveness and acceptance in his gaze. He reaches out his hand toward yours, but stops short of touching you. You understand. It’s an invitation – one you are free to accept or reject. You look from his scarred hand back into his eyes and feel your heart quaking inside your chest. How can someone look so kind and yet so fierce at the same time? Uncertainty and self-doubt wrap their fingers around your heart and for a moment you want to turn away or squeeze your eyes tightly shut. As your heart fights for freedom you realize without a doubt that your only seed of hope in this world is in the warmth of those eyes. With a shuddering breath, you slowly reach out your hand until you’re nearly touching Him.

Heart pounding, you feel as though you’re hesitating at the edge of a cliff, about to jump. His lips don’t move, but a still small voice that seems to speak out of the depth of his eyes whispers,

I am the way…

With one last ragged breath your heart leaps in surrender and you grab hold of Him. You expect to feel as though you are free falling, having relinquished your control. Instead you feel strong arms wrap around you and hold you firm. A warm rush of peace surges through you from the top of your head to the tips of your fingers and toes. A peace you never knew was possible. A peace that defies all logic and understanding.

Your eyes settle once more on the boulders obstructing your path. The voice, quiet yet mighty, again speaks into your heart.

I have carried the weight of the world’s sin, even the darkest and most wicked of deeds have rested on my shoulders. I have conquered sin, and I have defeated death itself. No stone could hold Me in that tomb. There is no obstacle that is insurmountable for Me. 

Suddenly you feel a new strength fill you. You can’t explain how it’s possible, but his strength and power seem to have been bestowed upon you. You feel them spill forth from your heart and fuel your will. He’s somehow on the inside of you, working through your very own hands. What an astonishing mystery this is! Moving the boulders takes time and determination, but you are actually moving them! Sometimes the work is bitterly painful, but you press on as you see the path opening before you.

You begin to move forward, but are soon discouraged that the boulders are always within your sight – looming in the periphery. At times you even stray from the path and walk right into them again!  In frustration you cry out, “How do I eliminate these boulders altogether? Will I ever be really rid of them? Isn’t your power great enough to remove all trace of them?”

My power is made perfect in weakness…

“But I don’t want to be weak! Won’t I serve you better by being strong?”

These are your memorial stones. Set them up as a monument lest you forget. I have made a way through the broken places, but they remain in view to remind you where you’ve come from, where you’re going, and whose power moved them from your path. If they were to vanish like fog after a sunrise, your heart would be forgetful and you’d fall away from this path to one of self-indulgence and ease. These stones remind you of what was beyond them that made moving them worth the struggle. Greater still, these stones are what connect you to other travelers. Your lives, like transparent overlays, will sometimes overlap, and for a season your journeys will be down the same path. When others looks around, they may see your stones and ask, “What are those?”  A choice will lie before you – to deny there is anything there and cover up the battles you’ve fought, or choose to share your story and bring hope to another and glory to My name. In your stones others will see a reflection of their own obstacles and hopelessness. There are many whose eyes are still closed to Me. You can show them I’m here if you’ll let Me use these hard places we’ve moved together.

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A realization lights on your mind and settles into the depths of your being. When the way was obstructed you sensed there was purpose and a fruitful, joy-filled life beyond the stones that blocked your way. At that time you believed you would only find it if the stones no longer existed. The truth is now crystal clear. The stones themselves are integral strands in the fabric of that purpose. The fruitfulness is in sharing the One whose strength can move them. And the joy is in seeing your most suffocating darkness being used to bring liberating light to a world lost in the shadows of their own stones.

 

 

Why Achieving Success Doesn’t Equal Living Well

It’s natural for all of us to focus on finding our place and role in this world. We each have a part to play. Our society, our mentors, our families all seem to have expectations for what we can and should contribute. So we make up a definition of success and striving to attain it becomes our focus. There’s nothing wrong with accomplishing great things or earning accolades, but I’m realizing that living for these things doesn’t add up to living well. We might hit the target we’ve set for ourselves, or that others set for us, but are we truly fulfilled by it? The target seems to be ever shifting and elusive. Haven’t we all set out to accomplish a goal, finally succeeded, felt an exhilarating high for a couple of days, and then said, “Huh, now what?”

The high doesn’t last. The praise of others doesn’t last either. They applaud for a moment, then get on with their lives. We then assume we didn’t have our target set quite right, and we need to aim a little higher to truly be “successful” and fulfilled. We rarely stop to ask ourselves why we think we have the authority to define success in the first place. We just assume that we need to, or in some cases the definition of success seems set by our culture and we feel powerless to change it.

Bangkok Expressway by Mark Fischer

A few years ago when I was in the deepest, darkest days of battling my chronic illness, I felt called to write a book about the beauty God had brought out of the ashes of my suffering. So naturally, I took that calling and proceeded to define what success of that calling should look like. I also promptly jumped into trying to figure out the “how-to” for writing a book and getting it published. You want to talk about being overwhelmed, try looking into publishing, book proposals, agents, editors, marketing, etc.! I got so intimidated and bogged down by it all! I couldn’t figure out how to structure my experiences into chapters in a way that would capture the interest of publishers and readers alike. In short, my inspiration didn’t fit well into the parameters I was trying to force it into, and it paralyzed my ability to move forward.

Now, a few years out, the passion and intensity of that calling has faded as I’ve enjoyed reprieve from suffering. I’ve gladly put distance between myself and the reality of what living every single day in a severely broken body was like. Yet I’ve wrestled with a lingering guilt that I never wrote that book. I feel as though I can’t move forward with other writing until I go back and check that box, but all of the same overwhelming roadblocks to that target have not changed. So on New Year’s Day I sat down with my journal and asked God if this is still something He wants me to do, or if I’m released from the calling. I told him how I feel stuck and shackled by the “shoulds”. Those “shoulds” encompass not just writing the book, but also finding “success” as a writer in general. It’s a common sentiment among writers to feel that getting published is necessary in order to really be able to call yourself a writer. We don’t really have any other credentialing that validates what we do in our culture. And we all want to be validated, don’t we? If we’re not, then we haven’t achieved success as we’ve defined it.

Over the last couple of years I’ve tried to figure this successful writer thing out. I’ve attended webinars by New York Times bestselling authors. I joined an online writing community. I listened to the advice of top gurus who all have achieved what I felt I needed to achieve to really meet my calling and have the impact God wanted me to have in this world.

As a writer, this is what you’re told…if you want to maximize your impact, you need to build your platform. A large platform will help you capture the interest of publishers. To build your platform you need to know and serve your audience. Write the content they want to read. Engage your audience through several social media outlets. Master the art of writing a book proposal. And the list goes on and on as we try to map out the pathway to “success”. None of these suggestions are bad in and of themselves, and in fact, some may very likely be necessary in order to be published. The problem is, none of this has ever really resonated with the calling that is deep in my heart, which is simply to share hope and encouragement through my story. Naturally, I do desire to have impact and to serve my readers well, but shifting my focus to how to achieve those goals leads to striving toward a target of my own making. I take that calling from God, and promptly get bogged down in doing it “right”.

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In that early morning quiet on New Year’s Day, God answered my question about writing a book by showing me that success is not mine to define, it’s His. The following is an excerpt from that journal entry.

This is your journey and your history. You need to remember all I’ve done in your life. You need to remember where you came from, and how you struggled and grew. This battle was yours – for your benefit – your perseverance, character, and hope. You need to remember for you. Write about it for you. Write from that framework. That you’re doing this to commune with Me, to grow, to remember. Then it has value no matter who else it reaches. You write it for yourself, for our relationship, to bring glory to Me in your own heart. Then what you have created just for us, you can share with the world. When you remove the burdens and expectations of trying to meet some made up need in the world and plaguing yourself with questions of what “they” need, and what “they” want, and what “they” will buy, and what will help “them” grow, then you’re free to write the way I intended. Just between us. That’s where the power is.

Before journaling you read my words in Matthew 6:33 when I say, “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  This is how it applies to your writing – seek Me with no agenda. Seek whatever I have. Seek your own growth in Me. When you write that way, and simply share it with the world, then all those other needs and wants of the world that paralyze your writing will automatically be taken care of as well. It’s not for them, but it will serve them all the same, and truly with even more power. It’s not fabricated to try to hit a target. It’s just authentic from the soul, and that’s what truly hits the target. So I want you to stop worrying about getting published, building a platform, or serving your audience. I want to be your only audience as you are writing. But then, as I direct, I want you to share these things written in private. Just put them out there as an act of obedience and praise, but return then to the secret place with Me. Don’t chase the end of the path where those words might land in the world. They are released. You release and then return (to Me). And so I will unleash my power through you. The impact you have ceased striving for will be given to you naturally. It will be a blessing, but it will no longer be your focus. If you seek a specific end result – impact, platform reach, publishing, etc., then your eyes have shifted to be wholly focused on a goal that will shift and move and never fully satisfy. When your focus is on remaining in Me, obedience, sharing hope, and praising Me publically in writing, then the fulfillment and impact you crave will be truly fulfilled. Me at the center is where fulfillment comes. Not chasing an accomplishment. So now you’re free. Vulnerable, yes, very much, but free of set expectations and the confines of serving others. You serve Me and through that they will be served. As you write your colitis journey, do it to remember, to praise, to commune with Me. Don’t do it to catch the eye of a publisher. Share your story with yourself. The part of you that has forgotten and will continue to forget.

So living well this year means drawing yourself into Me. Reviving your morning journaling times, but also taking the next step to share with the world what transpires between us, what I’m teaching you, how I’m growing you, what I’m laying on your heart. Just share with no expectations. You’re not striving for a reaction and response. When you dwell and remain in Me, My light will fill you and spill out. This is how you shine brighter than the dawn. This is how you live well. Be intentional. Days quickly pass. Don’t miss what I have for you by neglecting time with Me. Your fulfillment lies in this time. You cannot find it without it.

What definition of success have you been striving toward? Who defined success for you? Are the hoops you’re jumping through on your way to that target God ordained? Has He called you to them? I truly believe He is the ONLY one who has the authority to define success for each of us. It often won’t look the way we expect, or even the way our ego hopes it will. All of our definitions will look a little differently because all of our giftings and callings are a little bit different. But at the core, I believe our definition of true success is the same. To commune closely with God. To be grafted into Him. To remain in Him. And out of that closeness to be obedient as He calls us. Pastor Craig Groeschel said, “Obedience is ours, outcome is God’s.” For me, trying to figure out the outcome, stalled my obedience. We don’t need to define the outcome. We need to release the outcome to Him and focus on being obedient to what He calls us to do.

When we are faithful to living fully submitted to Him, using our gifts as He intended, then He is faithful to provide for us and to complete the good work He began in us when we were created. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in trying to figure out our calling that we lose sight of the One who is calling us. He calls us to love Him and to follow Him. And so, loving well and following well are the foundations for living well.

I pray for each and every one of us, myself included, that in this new year, we would return to loving and following God with renewed passion. That we would shift our focus from our own definitions of success and restore our focus back to the One who already has a perfect plan for our lives. And as we embrace His plan and release our own, I pray we’d experience the joy, fulfillment, and freedom of truly living well.

Live it Well

What does that mean? Live it well. What would that actually look like in real life, on a day to day basis? It’s a question I’ve been rolling around in my mind for several days. This past week while running errands I heard the song of this title by Switchfoot on the radio. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, but this time, it riveted me, and I couldn’t help but think that maybe this needs to be my theme song for the new year.

I’m not typically one to have a theme for the year, or even any true resolutions. Yet something in the lyrics struck a chord inside me. A longing for the calling I’ve felt strongly yet somehow vaguely for so long. I don’t want to just go through this life one routine day after the next feeling like most things are going pretty well, but I’m still not really hitting the mark.

So this morning, in the midst of a quiet house, and the new beginnings of 2017, I sat down to ask the Lord about this question I just can’t quite seem to answer. What does living well look like for me? How do I actually do that?

“Sunset” by http://www.postscapes.com

I know my calling involves writing. Most of my writing happens in the privacy of my journal – a dialogue between me and God. It’s an untainted process. I don’t need to edit, I can just write the flow that He gives. But I also feel called as a messenger, which is why I started this blog in the first place. This blog is named Inspired Encouraged because that is my goal and heart’s desire – to inspire and encourage you as live out the story God has for your life. But more times than not, I overthink what I post on here, trying to figure out how to best serve all of you. I’ll never even meet many of you, yet I have held ideas about what your expectations and needs are, and I’ve worried whether I’m meeting them. I feel acutely that there is a purpose God wants to birth in each of your lives, and I’m burdened by trying to figure out how I can in some small way be a catalyst in that process. It’s not always a clear path though. I hesitate when I’m called to vulnerability. Will I be judged? Will you understand my true message? Will you hear God through me? Will you really know my heart?

As I came to the Lord this morning with this question about living well, and writing, and how I’m supposed to move forward, He did what I didn’t expect. He changed my perspective and He set me free in the process. In my next few posts I want to share more from my journal, and explain how God is unraveling this question for me. But for today, I pose the question to you. What does living well look like for your life? What next step is God calling you to this year? What would it mean to embrace the calling?

As you ponder those questions, listen to this song, Live it Well.

Happy New Year, Friends!

Next Steps

Have you ever felt God tugging on your heart, pushing you forward, whispering to you about your calling? I truly believe that God has created all of us with a purpose; a role to play in His eternal kingdom. I certainly don’t see the big picture of my calling and purpose. I doubt you do either. My experience has been that God tends to give us only enough light to see our next step. This is probably for the best. After all, if we could really see His God-sized plans for us, we’d probably freak out and turn into a puddle of trembling goo because there’s no way we could possibly fulfill that vision. And that’s true. We can’t. But God can. Our job is to keep our eyes on Him and obediently take whatever next step He gives us.

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So that’s what I’m doing. Starting this blog is my next step. I’ve felt God whispering a calling to me for several years… Write. As I walk through my own struggles with anxiety, perfectionism, chronic illness, motherhood, and just the nitty-gritty of everyday life, I know God is giving me a story to tell. A story He wants me to share. So here I am, putting one foot in front of the other, and taking the next step.

I hope you’ll keep coming back to visit, and that each time you do, you’ll leave with some inspiration and encouragement for your own journey.